Saturday, October 16, 2010


She comes in the early morning hours. This land is at the outer fringe of her territory. There is not enough rock, not enough cover for her comfort level. We have a truce, she and I. While she knows that I am no threat to her, she also knows that this is my territory. My scent is everywhere. Something in that scent tells her that I mean her no harm, and in return she graces me with a cat like blink and a playful huff, as she rolls in the grass a few yards away. I simply call her cougar. She never hunts the domestic fowl that roam the yard. She comes for the grain fattened rabbit that frolic here. I understand that she would never come unless she were hungry. I sit quietly on the deck or in a chair by the fish pond and smile at her antics. She is much like the barn cats in her mannerisms, and I look for the cues and postures I have learned from them, to see if I can predict what she is about. She likes to hear me sing softly in the early morning, and will turn expectantly if I become quiet. We have an easy relationship bourn of mutual respect. One day I hope to see her bring young ones to learn to hunt the rabbit, and grace me with the ability to observe and learn. Cougar. I have no doubt that were I in her territory and seen as a threat, she would attack. But here, where no threat exists we find a strange sort of friendship. There will come a time when she will no longer come. Her territory is far reaching, and I have no hold on her. I dread that day. Never knowing if I will see her again, my heart will become heavy with worry. My imagination runs wild at these times, and I always think the worse. The truth is, perhaps I need this constriction of heart and soul to teach me something. Nothing in this life is permanent. Even love changes from day to day. Perhaps she has been sent to teach me to accept. Not the inevitable parting, but the current joy. I find myself praying to that unknown God at these times. Let me feel what I have been given before it’s gone….before it’s a memory and I have only fragments to grasp at. Teach me to look beyond my self and accept the small joys given in the now. It’s a prayer not often answered with a yes. This lesson I must learn on my own. So I sit and watch. I let the morning sun rise quietly behind my shoulder, and no thought comes. Just let it be M………. Just be.
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